Blue Crush 2: Crush On!

I don’t know what it is about me that can possibly explain my penchant for crappy movies, or if I was being kinder, I would call them “movies that failed to make a splash” (Ha ha! See what I did there? I swear, I crack myself up sometimes.). I will further admit that I have seen Blue Crush. And I didn’t particularly like it. Sure it was really cool to see people surfing, but other than that the movie didn’t really inspire me. The same could be said of its “sequel in spirit”, cleverly entitled Blue Crush 2.

So why did I watch it? Well, that’s a good question, that.

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I was digging through the trash one day and I found…

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: the Lightning Thief.

So I’ve decided to do a little metaphorical dumpster diving to take a look at some of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. These are truly the worst of the worst films that have ever made me mourn the money and time out of my life that I will never get back. First up to the guillotine is Percy Jackson.

There is really a lot I can say about the utter failure that was this Percy Jackson film (2010). The fastest summary would be to say that I wish I had never seen it and that I really want my money back, because, yes, I saw it in theaters. Considering the backward-looking nature of this particular review (or rant, take it as you will), and the others that will be dug up from the garbage pile, I will skip the usual synopsis.

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Unknown and Liam’s Nose

May I take a moment to say this one little thing before I move on to the review?


Ok. Now the review. This latest Liam Neeson caper is fast pased, and just confusing enough to keep you interested but not so much so to make you say “WTF?!”. Essentially, it is more adequate than your average thriller. If you have the time, go see this one, if not, renting the DVD would suffice. Seeing Diane Kruger’s name in the opening credits just made it all the better (yes, call me ignorant; I had no idea she was in this one).

The film starts off with a gratuitous view of Liam Neeson’s nose as he is on a plane with his wife.

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The Mechanic, Statham’s Latest Venture…

One of these days you might find yourself in need of a mechanic and calling one of these guys would probably not be the best idea because “a mechanic” in this film’s world is a euphemism for an assassin. The movie starts with one of Jason Statham’s hits. In some Latin American country some drug lord needs to be offed and Statham’s the man to do it. He secretly drowns the man in a pool while he was going for a swim. One question that arises is why a drug lord would have a pool filled with such dark water that a man wearing all black can hid in it (perhaps after all the money spent on the drug operations and the mansion he couldn’t afford the chemicals for the pool?). This particular assassination is very reminiscent of the one Nicolas Cage executed (Ha! Get it? “Executed”? And you know, death and stuff? Anyway…) in his less than stellar Bangkok Dangerous.

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Should You Get Attached to No Strings Attached?

No Strings Attached is a romantic comedy that explores a more serious question than the typical “boy meets girl” venture. The central issue of the film is whether our two lovable main characters truly can have sex without all those prickly “relationship” issues.

Emma (Natalie Portman) and Adam (Ashton Kutcher) meet for the first time fifteen years ago in camp. Adam’s parents are going through a divorce and the emotionally awkward Emma offers him comfort. The movie then flashes forward through time and sees the dynamic duo meet up at various places and times. Finally, the film arrives in present day Los Angeles. Adam is frustrated at being a lowly TV producer’s assistant (whose writing no one in the ‘biz will read) and Emma spends lots and lots of time being a doctor at the hospital. Their friends with benefits relationship does not start until Adam’s girlfriend, Vanessa (Ophelia Lovibond), leaves Adam for his father (who just happens to be Kevin Kline), a famous actor of the olden days.

Distraught, Adam is encouraged by his manly friends to get over Vanessa by sleeping with someone else right then and there. Many alcoholic drinks later and Adam is still on the phone, calling every girl in his contacts list. He wakes up the next morning naked and hung over in the apartment that Emma shares with her friends from the hospital.

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